TERI Hatcher: "Any actress in fancy gowns knows how to manipulate gaffer tape to mush, lift and hold your breasts for perfect cleavage. When you're 40 and wearing low-cut, it's a temporary boob job."ANGELINA is tattooed with various persons' names including one that says "Billy Bob," and she's probably added "Brad." Next up, "To whom it may concern" . . . Speaking of tattoos, Robert Downey told Webster Hall's Baird Jones: "My father's real name is Elias. I'm Jewish. I have 'Elias' tattooed to my ankle" . . . 'The Da Vinci Code" 's Dan Brown actually said he dangles from gravity boots when sorting out a plotline . . . Speaking of things that sound wacko, Tommy Chong on his bust-up with Cheech in those hazy days: "Man, I didn't know we were broken up for four years." . . . Nicolas Cage stars in Hollywood's remake of Hong Kong's 1999 gangster thriller "Bangkok Dangerous." Shoots there in August. In the original version, his character was mute. This time he talks . . . Speaking of Hollywood remakes of Asian bad-guy films, Chris Tucker nailed a redo of Bollywood's 2003 "Munnabhai M.B.B.S." About a wiseguy who enrolls in med school, it'll be rejiggered and retitled "Gangster M.D."
MAGICIAN David Copperfield appeared at Serendipity the other day. The line was long, so he browsed the gift shop, chatted with management then – poof! – disappeared. Nobody saw him leave . . . Speaking of who's where, Sir Paul estranged McCartney was at Nails Today, 52 W. 55th. A manicure . . . Elizabeth Hurley, when she wants a cigarette, sucks on a pacifier. Just shoves it in her mouth like babies do . . . Speaking of smoking, Catherine Zeta-Jones swore six months ago she'd give it up for the sake of the children. When visiting stepson Cameron recently she walked outside. For a brief moment. To light up.
TYRA Banks and cross-dressing comic Tyler Perry seeing lots of one another . . . Speaking of couples, reformed druggie Russell Brand, who'd been dating Kate Moss, now burbling, "I actually prefer women with a bit of meat on them." He's told her possible successors: "Forget Kate. She's irrelevant." And what makes him so desirable I'd like to know . . . Speaking more, there's Hugh Grant's lady Jemima Khan quietly displaying a diamond-and-sapphire ring, saying they're engaged since Christmas and will "marry in a year when his career quiets down" . . . Speaking even more, there's Liev Schreiber on his "Macbeth" and his sweetie Naomi Watts: "I think she finds it a little boring."
SALOONKEEPER Amy Sacco: "Best hangover cure is a Coke plus a whole Patsy's pepperoni pizza with extra salt" . . . Halle Berry has a recurring nightmare. In the weird dream, she's 35 and still in high school. Anyone know what it means? . . . And anyone know why Kissinger was recently in Moscow seeing Putin? . . . So I asked Jamie-Lynn Sigler how she stays so skinny. She replied: "Look, all I can tell you is that dinner last night was an entire box of chocolate chip cookies" . . . Christian Slater's the voice of Moses in a new cartoon flick . . . Soccer hotshot David Beckman's Spice Girl wife, Victoria, signed to do for Asprey whatever it is Jade Jagger does for Gerrard. Even called Jade for advice on how to do whatever it is they do.
CAN it be mob progeny A.J. So prano is hooking up with a Latina who has a kid in "The Sopranos" season finale? And is she played by Dania Ramirez, the Morelock leader-in-latex in "X Men: The Last Stand"? And will those Quincy twins Kori and Kadin George, 3, last seen in March on "Nanny 911," do double duty as her son? Their mom Theresa reports "They even speak a couple of words" but, lest she get whacked, those were her only couple of words.
JUNE marks the 60th anniversary of the unbroken reign of Thailand's King Bhumibol Adulyadej. I first met the king on the grounds of his Chitralada Palace deep in the heart of Bangkok in 1961. My husband was performing there. The prince and princess children approached His Majesty and Her Majesty Queen Sirikit prone, flat out on the ground, on their stomachs. It was maybe 110 degrees in the shade, and I was dying of perspiration and reapplying powder with the zeal of an engineer filling in a sinking beach. Not once in our four hours together did the stunning Queen dab herself or reach for a handkerchief. She said to me, "I have made up my mind I won't perspire – and I don't." And she didn't. Small wonder they still reign this many years later.
